“Workers’ Voices” is a series on A Better Balance’s blog highlighting the firsthand experiences of workers from across the country. For some workers we are in touch with, they are covered by federal, state, or local workplace protections that make a world of difference in their ability to care for themselves and their loved ones. For others, their experiences highlight the glaring gaps that remain in our laws.
The below is a story from Andre Apparicio, a NICU dad and advocate based in Louisiana who co-founded Dad-A-Port, a fatherhood engagement initiative under A’sani Heartbeat Foundation. Andre shared his family’s story to advocate for stronger workplace protections for NICU parents alongside A Better Balance.
I lost my daughter, fought beside my daughter in the NICU, and was still expected to return to work at my nonprofit job – business as usual, I guess.
On July 21st, 2022 my twins, A’sani Aveiah Apparicio and A’sir Averi Apparicio were born at just 24 weeks as micro preemies, weighing under three pounds combined. Instead of bringing my children home, taking family pictures and having conversations about who they favored more, Dad or Mom, they were taken away before I could even touch them. It was then I became a NICU father.
Do you ever want to feel like you’re being robbed with no weapon? Become a NICU parent. Do you ever want to feel like you’re being charged for having a crime committed against you? Have a job during this process.
Our “golden hour,” the time where the parents get to bond with their child, was everything but that. 8 days after being born, my daughter A’sani succumbed to necrotizing enterocolitis. I had just been with my babies all night in the hospital and went home to shower. Before I could get home, I was being called back. My daughter was dying. The first time I ever even got to hold her, she was dying in my arms.
My son A’sir remained in the NICU for 148 days, and he underwent many procedures: blood transfusions, managing fluctuating oxygen levels, surgery on his lungs and open heart surgery to name a few.
As if having the most abnormal fatherhood experience wasn’t enough, what’s often left out when it comes to talking about the NICU experience are the conversations and emails that go from condolences, to commands on when to return to work. Even though I was given a few more days off work than many parents, there was no return to normal for me. My son was still fighting for his life. During this time, I was looking for a slice of peace – and they were looking for Salesforce numbers.
What NICU families experience is not a normal experience. Coupled with the loss of my daughter, it makes it quite extraordinary that I can even talk about this time. Yet I was held to normal workplace standards.
“I’m asking people to listen to NICU families. Listen to the fathers and mothers trying to hold their families together while their children fight to survive.”
A father shouldn’t have to wonder whether being present for rounds, doing skin-to-skin care, supporting his partner, grieving, or advocating for his child should cost him his job. A mother recovering should not choose between healing and bonding, or her household, or between her babies’ needs, and her job’s wants.
When your baby is discharged, to me, that’s when you’re in charge. People think that once the babies are home, things are easier. But for many families, this time is a whole other stage of care and concern. My son had about four doctor’s appointments a week for months, plus he needed to take an amount of medication that would fill a Walgreens pharmacy, and had more things connected to him than an outlet, including oxygen. I know, I know – well at least he’s home, right? Just go back to normal.
After spending months waiting for my son to come home, I should have been able to be home with him. Instead, I went back to work. I ran up all of my credit cards, and after having achieved a 700+ credit score, the game of life took over. I lost, in so many ways. I’m being sued by those same credit card companies right now, and no one cares.
I just needed time. NICU leave isn’t a plus, it’s a must. Time is the most important currency for NICU families. Families like mine deserve laws that recognize what they are actually going through. My experience shapes much of my work today.
I lost my baby in 2022. It’s 2026 now, and I ask those in charge to look at the economy and how inflation continues to make it difficult enough for families to provide for themselves. I’m asking people to listen to NICU families. Listen to the fathers and mothers trying to hold their families together while their children fight to survive. Ask us what we need before decisions are made for us. When your child is in the NICU, time isn’t a luxury. Time is everything.